The Woodworker

So lately this guy has been hitting me up on-line. Here's the thing though, we've already met. I have not responded at all, but from his e-mails I'm thinking he may have forgotten about our "date." I'm using the quotation marks there for a reason that will soon become clear. 

I met The Woodworker on the same site he is currently hitting me up on. I will admit, he looked OK in his picture, but the rest of his stats seemed on point. (I refuse to use the word "fleek!") He had his doctorate, no kids, not a smoker, etc. We e-mailed & texted a lot, but hadn't met. Through our correspondence I learned that one of his hobbies was crafting things out of wood. I thought this would come in really handy & began to dream of the new deck I would have with brand new adirondack chairs that he would build for me. (OK, I might be a little materialistic.) I can't remember why we hadn't met up, but I remember EXACTLY when we did. I was at a wedding, feeling all romantic & what not & decided I would just drop by. Against my better judgement, I got his address & said I would be over soon. I found his townhouse and when I walked in, I noticed that it clearly wasn't finished. The stairway was open underneath & was definitely a work in progress. Now this didn't really bother me. But there was sawdust EVERYWHERE! On top of that, this guy was in a stained wife-beater (for lack of a better term) and gym shorts. He looked like crap! From my estimation his on-line picture was taken at least 5 years prior. (Side note, he's still using the same picture!) He was just sitting there watching TV.  He moved some clean laundry off the couch to make room for me. It was super awkward! Now I realize I kind of sprung it on him, but he had at least 30 minutes to make himself look presentable. Plus I was at a wedding, so I looked super cute! I left after about 25 minutes of TV watching. It was definitely one of the oddest dates I've been on, and as you know, that is saying something! 

Time of death: the second I saw that stain on his wife-beater

Now he's hitting me up again, so this has me wondering. Was I that forgettable? Surely not! Maybe he has blocked the entire "relationship" out of his mind. I wouldn't blame him for that. Honestly I had until I saw his picture up again. But surely he remembers what I looked like! Does he think I'm that dumb that I won't remember & he gets a second chance? Surely that can't be it. Have I come to the end of the internet when guys I've already "dated" are hitting me up again? Have we all become that desperate? Yeah, I was being really picky the first time around, but this is years later & I still haven't found anyone, so maybe you'll do? Sorry buddy, it's never going to happen.  Now about those adirondack chairs...........

Cigar Man

Finally, an update! I realize that it has been quite some time since I last updated my blog. It is not from lack of trying! It's hard out there people! Surprisingly, my latest date was from Tinder. Now if you remember my last Tinder date, well, it didn't go so well. If you need a refresher, click here. I've continued to play the Tinder game because, well, you never know and I'm always up for new experiences. So I was a little hesitant when I matched up with someone who actually wanted to go out instead of sending me penis pics.

His schedule is pretty crazy since he is a salesman and he is new to KC. I feel like this is all good information because now he won't be jaded by the crappy dating life that we have here. After several missed attempts at setting up a time to meet (as we know, I'm pretty free during the summer so this was mainly due to his work schedule) we finally went out tonight. I pretty much knew absolutely nothing about him since we had only talked via Tinder, so I figured we had a lot to catch up on. It turns out that he is (as far as I can tell)..........NORMAL. How odd is that? I may have found the ONE normal person that is actually looking for a relationship (and not just a sexual one) on Tinder. I feel like I've struck gold! I never should have doubted you Tinder.....oh wait a minute, yes, I have every reason to doubt you Tinder! But thanks for coming through for me on this one! I can't even write about any weird things that happened on the date because it was just so normal. I've missed having dates with normal people! The oddest thing about him is that he sells cigars. We've already said that we are going to go out again to get BBQ. NORMAL! I am sitting here typing & I can still smell his cologne on my dress. I've missed the smell of men! Maybe I've lowered my standards so much that normal seems amazing. Oh well, normal will do just fine for now!

*UPDATE: Well Mr. Normal may not be so normal after all. After quite a long time in between dates I agreed to drive 45 minutes to his apartment for Date #2. As soon as I walk in, I am greeted to a towering elk in his living room. Yes the elk was dead. Yes the elk was killed by him. Yes the elk was stuffed. Actually it was just half of an elk, but there were rocks at its feet which really added to the ambiance. This elk was so towering, I almost missed the deer head above the couch. There were also deer antlers in another room. So just picture this for a moment: if we were to actually make-out on the couch I would have both an elk & a deer critiquing me! I can't take that kind of pressure. Cigar Man also had Conceal & Carry class to go to the next day AND had recently "won" an African hunting trip in a silent auction. Sorry Mr. NRA, this isn't going to work.  Time of death: The SECOND I saw that elk!