Well hello there! It's been so long! I wish I could say that I've been away because I met this really great guy and we've been in a serious committed relationship for a year, or I've been taking time to work on myself and didn't have time for dating. Those would both be lies. I honestly don't know what my deal has been. I've been on SOME dates, but nothing blog-worthy I guess....which may be a good thing.
However, a recent trend that I've encountered has caused me to remember my password to log in to this blog. This trend is ghosting. I didn't really know that there was a word for this phenomena, but a quick search about a year ago gave me the term for what I had been experiencing. If you are as in the dark as I was, let me give you a definition. GHOST, v., to suddenly ignore someone that you have gone out with without explanation. When you get ghosted, it can come as quite a shock, as it did to me, the FIRST time it happened.
I had been on several dates with this guy. By several, I mean I knew he was a hooded warrior. Go ahead and google that phrase. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, but he was fun and occupied the time. After one of our evening encounters, he went home as usual (I don't like sleeping in the same bed with others...this could be a whole blog topic of its own) and texted me as soon as he arrived to his house. The next day I texted him to see what he was up to and....silence! I figured he was just sleeping because he kept odd hours due to his job. The next day came and went with me trying to check in on him and being met with silence. Now, this could have been an easy out for me since I knew this relationship was not going anywhere, however, I was genuinely worried that something had happened to him. BIG MISTAKE! After 3 days of silence (which was very unusual) I figured he was either dead or didn't want to talk to me. I wracked my brain trying to figure out what I said or did. I want to be the person to end it. And if it isn't me ending it, I at least want to know what I did! I replayed our conversations, looked at my texting history and came up with a blank. I'm sad to admit that I checked obituaries to see if he had gotten in a car wreck or something. I came up empty handed. GHOSTED! (As a side note, this dude texted me about 4 months after ghosting me trying to get back with me. His explanation was that he got "scared" and couldn't handle it. WTF!)
I didn't go on several dates after Ghost Numero Uno. Not because I was jilted, no one asked me out. That leads me LITERALLY the next guy I go out with about 6 months after GNO. Ghost #2 and I had a FANTASTIC first date. I could definitely see myself dating him for the entire summer at least. We had a lot in common and just seemed to click. Date #2 was at the T-Bones where we had a fun time making fun of the guy who randomly brings in a trumpet and his wife. Again, a really fun date. He then goes on a work trip and this was really the beginning of the end. He comes back and we go on date #3 to see Wonder Woman. Afterwards we just basically go back to our own cars which were parked in totally different directions without any of our body parts touching. I could tell that this was going south. On a whim I invite him to Starlight to watch Jersey Boys and he agrees. Three days before the show I text him to see if he wants to go to dinner before hand and I am met with, you guessed it, silence. He was the perfect ghoster because I still have not heard from him since. What is up with this trend? Are guys just too weak to say, "It's just not going to work?" How hard is that? I mean, you can just text that for Christ's sake! It just seems like a real pussy way out.
Now on to the shallow end of the dating pool. After Ghost #2, I again didn't go on a date for 6 months. No I wasn't heartbroken, again, no one asked me out. OK, that's a lie, I was just being pickier I guess. I should've continued my picky ways but I waded into the shallow end of the dating pool. This guy seemed really great until I met him in person. He is the definition of an oversharer. Upon meeting him I learned:
1. his ex-wife makes way more money than he does, but he didn't want to get alimony
2. due to his ex-wife's finances, he has her credit card to pay for all of their dogs' needs
3. he had dinner with his ex-wife the night before we went out
4. he is currently reading a book on relationships
5. he is currently seeing a therapist who recommended said book
6. he is currently on "happy pills" prescribed by said therapist
7. his co-workers can tell the different when he forgets to take his meds
These are just the red-flag items that were shared with me over a 3 hour meal. I pretty much just sat there and nodded as he proceeded to tell me his life story. For some reason, I had convinced myself to go out with him again. We texted after our date and I kept waiting for him to ask me out again. I eventually get a text saying that I am so amazing and he had an amazing time. But he went out with an equally amazing girl the night after me and they had been out since then too. His therapist has told him that it's OK to date more than one woman at a time, but he just didn't think that he could remember who he had told what story to and that it would just be too confusing. So, kudos to him for not ghosting me, but really???? This guy has 2 woman "fighting" for him??? Is this what the dating pool in KC has come to??? I mean, good for him, but shitty for all single women!
Time of death: when I got ghosted the first time....and the second time....and when I got that text UGH!
