The Doctor

I should preface this post with the fact that I never went out with The Doctor, therefore this post should prove that I do have standards.  On paper, this guy sounds like a catch-34, pediatric liver doctor, cute.  But you can't trust paper!  

Initially The Doctor is a fairly good texter.  I can understand a doctor's crazy schedule.  In fact, it's even better because I get time to myself.  So I don't begrudge him the fact that he is rarely available.  This guy is such a douche bag to talk to though, I can't even make myself go out with him-even for journalistic purposes!

Our first conversation begins with him saying, "Hey giiiiiiirl."  I should've just stopped him right there.  Then he tells me that his profile gives the wrong age.  No biggie.  He is really 29.  Oh God!  I haven't gone out with someone with a 2 in the tens place in a long time!  But hey, he's a doctor.  It should be alright.  Wait a minute, how does a doctor screw up the year he was born on an on-line profile.  Already The Doctor is shady!  He was constantly asking what I was doing at about 9:00 at night.  I'm sorry buddy, but I'm tired.  This old lady needs her beauty rest.  Other conversations (I'm using this term loosely) begin with "Hey baybay" or "Sup buttercup?"  WTH!  Oh wait, it gets worse.  Actually talking on the phone with him is painful.  He informs me that he has an eidetic memory so that "makes getting into an argument with him nearly impossible."  Great!  Just what I need!  I get to hear his life story which involves him being a social outcast in grade school because he was so bored & smarter than all of his teachers.  (You can tell he's earning bonus points with me!)  He got tested & didn't come out as gifted (I'm shocked), but he's just so smart!  He didn't really have many friends until high school (shocker!) because people just didn't understand him.   After a few more phone conversations, he starts basically quizzing me on things I have said.  I have a pretty good memory (that's why I'm able to juggle a couple of guys at a time) & I'm correcting him! Eidetic memory my ass!  
He also told me about several dates he had been on in the past.  In one date, he was apparently having a horrible time & his date kept talking about a guy she used to go out with.  When the waitress came by he slipped her his number & told her to save him from his horrible date.  The waitress called him & they went out after her shift.  I'm pretty sure he "remembered" that from a movie.  He also informed me that he is sick of girls saying that he is basically the perfect guy, but that they just can't deal with his schedule.  First of all, I have a hard time believing that anyone would say he is the perfect guy.  He then said, "Well I can't fix my schedule, but at least I'm not ugly like you."  I said, "You actually said that to someone!  What the hell is wrong with you?"  "It was true."  "Wow!"  

The final nail in the coffin came a few days later.  He was in between shifts & was texting me.  He said, "Do you want to chat?"  I didn't want him to text & drive, so I called him.  No answer.  I texted back, "Well, I guess you didn't want to talk to me."  "I don't have time for ur mind games.  Do u want to talk right now or not?"  Whoa there buddy!  I did call, you didn't answer.  "I don't have a missed call."  I don't know what to tell you.  "Well this is the last time I'm going to try to get you to hang out with me."  Don't bother!  Time of death: 4:17PM