The Sweater

This blog post could have also been titled Mr. Boring. That should put you in the correct frame of mind for what's to come. I was supposed to go out for coffee with The Sweater on Sunday, however I received a message that he had to postpone. Later on in the day he informed me that the changing weather gives him migraines and that he wasn't feeling up to it. The next available time I had was Friday, so we plan to reschedule for then. 

I can tell from his texts that he is fairly introverted and doesn't date a ton, but maybe I need this in my life. Hey, opposites attract right? So Friday rolls around & I ask what time he wants to meet up. He doesn't reply until late afternoon with, "Where would you like to go?" Uh, I thought we were getting coffee? He says, "Right I know we agree (sic) to meet for coffee." So what is the question? "Where & when?" WTF dude! You told me some coffee place downtown. So it turns out he doesn't even remember where we were supposed to meet in the first place. By now it's like 6:00 & I'm starving. Finally I inform him that I don't even drink coffee & we can go wherever. He says, "Neither do I lol. I just thought it would be a public place and would be easier since you seem apprehensive about the online dating thing." Uh what??? I'm about the least apprehensive person I know. Talk about misreading a room! So finally I have to take control & tell him that we're now going to meet on Saturday & here is where we are meeting with the time. I didn't know that I had to wear the pants in this relationship. This does not bode well for our meeting.

If you live anywhere in the Midwest, you know that this Memorial Day Weekend has been hot as balls! Unfortunately, we have to wait outside for a bit. He has been standing in line for 2 minutes when I walk up & he is already dripping sweat.  I mean he's sweating like a whore in church. There is so much sweat that he has a preacher sweat rag that he dabs himself with! We have to wait for probably a total of 45 minutes. During this wait we are outside for probably 10 of them. Every time I talk to him he has to lean in, so now I'm concerned about the amount of sweat this guy is producing as well as his hearing. I honestly have a better conversation with the group of girls in front of us than I do with him. He initiates ZERO conversation so it's up to me to come up with things to discuss. Right as we are about to order he finally comes up with a conversation starter-teachers having guns. What the hell? This is what you're going to lead with? He then asks about active shooter drills. So the ONLY question he asks me during this entire date is about school shootings. At this point, I'm ready to shoot myself. Then he makes me pay for my dinner!

As you can probably tell, the dinner conversation was pretty much all me trying to come up with things to talk about. He's still dabbing his sweat while eating and leaning in to hear me (because if you know me at all, you would definitely agree that I'm quiet!). I ask him what his favorite type of food is & he says Mexican. So I ask him if he means authentic Mexican or Tex-Mex. He assures me that he likes authentic Mexican, where "you just point to something on the menu because you can't pronounce it." So where's your favorite place to get this authentic Mexican food? "Oh, I usually go to Mi Ranchito." Oh. Here is the menu to Mi Ranchito in case you've never been there. I'm going to go out on a limb and say if a restaurant has a chimichanga on the menu, it's not exactly authentic. Obviously there are some definitely awkward long lulls in our conversation. When it's clear he's finished eating, he just sits there dabbing his sweat and looking off into space. After a weird 3 minutes of this, I finally say we should get going so that someone can have our table. He says that he is so glad that he got to finally meet me and we part ways.

Time of death: The second he used that sweat rag in an air conditioned building.