The Umpire

I have 2 dates scheduled for today. This is a first! I also have another date for tomorrow evening, so this is definitely a record!

Unsurprisingly, Date #1 of the day was a bust! Now in my spreadsheet I will have to add height as one of the columns because I seriously overlooked his 5'7" height. I'm also calling bullshit on his listed 5'7" height because I looked him in the eyes & I'm not 5'7"! So he set up this date & I hadn't really talked to him that much, but decided, hey, what the hell. He has a pretty flexible schedule (read unreliable income) since his main summer job is umpiring for high school & college age kids. His winter job is being a surgical tech that doesn't actually want to be in the surgical room, so he just sterilizes the equipment. He travels for that job, but would like his traveling days to be over. That's a good thing since he's closer to 50 than 40! He's also in a bluegrass band & has a garden so would you think he would have some interesting stories to tell. You would be wrong! 

When deciding where to eat he informs me that he doesn't like big chain restaurants. OK, that's not a problem. He then asks if there is a Panera near me. (Ummm...isn't Panera a large chain restaurant???) I inform him that I workout until 10:45, so he wants to meet at 11:00. Well sir, unless you want me to meet you all sweaty & gross, I'm going to need some shower time. Finally we agree on noon since he has to get to Wichita to umpire anyway. I get a text at about 11:40 that he has "missed placed" his keys and could we bump it back to 12:30. Not a problem. Next text-Never mind, I found them, they were in his front door, it'll be a little after 12.  OK! At 12:15 I get a text that he has taken a wrong turn & will be there soon. 12:20 his GPS tells him he's here, but where is it. He is dressed in a College World Series t-shirt & athletic shorts & as aforementioned, is eye level with me when he finally walks in. He cannot understand the poor Hispanic girl who is taking his order even though she is speaking perfect English when she asks if he would like a half or a full salad. His initial response was "cold, I'd like my salad cold." She then asks if he wants chips, bread or an apple & he says no. She tells him that it comes with it & he says chips. (After we get our food & I get an apple, he says, "Oh that's what she asked chips or an apple." Uh, she said, "Chips, bread or an apple." "Oh man! I would've gotten bread! Do you think they would switch out my chips for bread?") 

The conversation is NOT good! Luckily I know a lot about baseball so I can keep him talking. I find out that he grew up in a small town in western Kansas & that his parents are the same age as my grandma. He's lived in Madison, Wisconsin as one of his travel surgical tech jobs & really loved it there. I also learn that he has grown a ghost pepper, but doesn't know what to do with it. He would show me a picture, but his phone is dead. This is the extent of what he adds to the "conversation." As we are leaving, he definitely wants to see me again. He's so glad we had a "great conversation" because that's so hard to find. (Was he on the same date I was?) 

Time of Death: The second my eyes met his without looking up