The Best Boyfriend in the World

Before we begin, yes, I know it's been a long time!  I've been in kind of a dating drought.  I'm going to blame it on not having every waking moment free like I did during the summer.  Thank God for Tinder to get me out of my slump!

The Best Boyfriend in the World got his title because in one of our conversations he informed me that an ex had given him this nickname & even got him a trophy that said "Best Boyfriend in the World."  (I feel like "Coolest Chick in the World" is a much better nickname, but I digress.)  Anyway, when they broke up she actually stole the trophy back from him!  So now he's just a Former Best Boyfriend in the World....or is it like the Oscars and you are always "Oscar Winner Three 6 Mafia" for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from Hustle & Flow?  Anyway, BBW (Ha! That's totally going to be his nickname now!) thinks pretty highly of himself.  He volunteers for a lot of organizations, is SCUBA certified, is currently training to be an EMT, & runs a very successful business.  On paper/Tinder it sounds great! But there is nothing more annoying to me than thinking your shit doesn't stink.  I hate to say this, but he perpetuates every horrible Blue Valley stereotype there is.  I don't really need to know that when you went to get your Mercedes fixed that the mechanics are dressed like scientists.  

BBW not only thinks very highly of himself, but he is very loud when talking on the phone.  Now, I've been worried about this myself, because I'm a loud person in general.  However, my friends have assured me that I don't sound like I am yelling into the phone.  I had a friend listen to a message he left me & she immediately said, "NO! No, I can't listen to that."  I took that as a challenge.  Our first actual phone conversation (I really don't like talking on the phone that much by the way, but made an exception for this guy) was basically him trying to find out every statistic that is on my driver's license.  I'm not even kidding.  "So how tall are you?" "Your hair looks light brown is that right?" "What color are your eyes?" "Do you wear glasses at all?"  I was about to tell him that I was an organ donor also, but he didn't ask.  Then his line of questionning got a little more personal. "What's your best feature?" "Are you a physical person, like touchy feely?" I answered his inqusition to his liking apparently because he wanted to get a foot massage & I agreed.  Well BBW has allergies & they were acting up so no date that weekend.  I actually hadn't heard from him in a long time (and by long time I mean 5 days) & I was beginning to think that maybe having hazel eyes was a turn off.

Then out of the blue I hear from him this week.  He still is very loud & very much into himself & talks about many of the same subjects his covered last week.  Every time we talk, he asks me about different restaurants I've been to.  Most of said restaurants were covered in a previous conversation, but hey, maybe he has early onset Alzheimer's.  He brings up AGAIN that he has a coupon book to Drunken Fish.  Then suggests that we meet there, because hey, he has this coupon book.  It is at this point where he begins to NOT act like he is from Overland Park.  Never one to turn down a free meal, I accept.

I will say, the date wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be.  He is a very engaged listener & looks right at you while you are talking (which I find annoying), but does show that he's paying attention.  After finding out that I teach primarily Hispanic students he asks if we get Cinco de Mayo off.  Ummm....1) Cinco de Mayo is not a real Mexican holiday.  2) I work in a school district that is not solely Hispanic.  3) We get regular American holidays off because this is America. He seemed a little shot down when I rattled off these facts to him.  During the conversation he has already volunteered to go on a field trip with us (not going to happen) & asked about going for a couple's massage (again, not going to happen).  When the manager brought back his coupon that he used & told him to just go ahead & use it again his face lit up like a kid at Christmas!  This guy loves a bargain!  "But Single," you might be saying, "this guy sounds like he handles money well & has plenty of it.  We know you like money."  This is all very true, which is why I'm happy to announce that I am going to let him buy me dinner next weekend too!  Let's hope he hits up Groupon so we can go to somewhere fancy in Leawood! Time of death: As soon as those coupons run out!