Lazy Eye

You've already read the title & know where this is going, but before I talk about Lazy Eye, I will address Bush Lover (yes, after reading that name I realize that it sounds perverse, but I will keep it).  If you follow my Facebook page for this blog, then you know that I was supposed to go on a date on December 23rd. This date was set in early December, but Bush Lover had a gig every weekend playing percussion for a dinner theater so we had to wait until the 23rd. This prolonged period before a date turned out to be a blessing! To begin with, Bush Lover was bipolar. This is my own assessment & not one made by an actual psychologist, but I feel pretty confident in this assessment. One day he would be on the highest high yelling with excitement into the phone. (Yes, he called me, which by now you should know annoys me! I'm a texter people!) Then the next he would be depressed & talking about how he almost died & that maybe he should be celibate & would I mind dating someone who was celibate. All of these conversations were completely one-sided because I just listened as he droned on and on and on. He told me the same story multiple times-he really liked to tell me that he died once. He also doesn't believe in heaven because when he "died" he just saw black. Also, he voted for George Bush TWICE for president-red flag numero dos for me. Finally, his voice sounded like Marge Simpson's sisters. If you are not familiar with what they sound like, click here. He got the flu the week before we were supposed to go out. I hadn't heard from him in a couple of days & thought I was off the hook. On the 23rd at 11:00am I get this text, "I'm a complete asshole. I worked until 930 last night and totally stood you up. Can you forgive me?" Thank you God for giving me an out!

Now, on to Lazy Eye. Obviously, the lazy eye was not apparent in his profile picture. I know this makes me sound superficial, but can I do a lazy eye? I'm not really sure I can. It was so bad that at a few points during the date I literally did not know which eye to look at. He also looked like Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons. It seems like I am on a Simpsons kick! Again, if you do not know who that is, click here. Now, I may be able to overlook this (actually, let's be honest, no I'm not), if the conversation was captivating. Sadly, it was not. If you know me, you know that I can talk at any time about any subject for lengthy periods of time. I had to do A LOT of talking on this date. His responses usually included only the word "Interesting." Ummm.....are you even paying attention Lazy Eye? One benefit to his lazy eye was that he could keep one eye on me & one on the TV behind me. Maybe the eye on me wasn't the one paying attention. Some people may think that I was boring him. I assure you, that was not the case. After we ate I was definitely ready to be done, but this is when he actually started talking. His main topic of conversation-high school. Wow! We are in our mid-30s, high school is definitely not something we need to discuss. I don't care about the teacher who taught you how to write papers, or the stupid final one of your teachers gave you one time. That was 15 years ago! Get over it!

Finally the date ended after I told him I needed to get home. I was tired of hearing about high school, the trip he took in high school & how he would make an excellent college professor. As we left he again told me about the weather that we had already discussed. Naturally I've already gotten a text from him about how it was so great getting to know me. On the plus side, at least he doesn't call. He sticks strictly to texting! But, what do I do? I mean I'm pretty sure I can't deal with the lazy eye, but I don't want to seem like a heartless bitch. On the other hand, do I really care what he thinks of me? Time of death-the second my eyes only met one of his.