The Biker

I've been back to work this week so that has really slowed down the ol' dating life.  However, at one point last night I was having a texting conversation with 5 different guys.  Needless to say, that was exhausting!  Hopefully all of this "work" will lead to good blog posts in the future.....or a guy I actually WANT to date.

Tonight's date was originally scheduled during the famous Spring Break of Dates that was not to be.  We literally (yes I know the correct use of that word) rescheduled this date 5 times.  I usually wouldn't even bother, but I really wanted to meet my goal!  This guy was a real walking paradox (look who's using the big words this time).  As the title would suggest, he is a biker, a Harley biker to be exact.  So get that stereotype in your head and now give him a master's degree.  It's an interesting combination.  He really is a good texter & has a fun personality.  He uses phrases such as "damn skippy" and "be there or be square."  Call me crazy, but I find those things endearing in guy.  

So we are supposed to meet at a Mexican restaurant.  I get a text from him on the way that it is a 45 minute wait.  OK, it's Saturday, that's what it's going to have to be.  However, I can't find a parking place to save my life.  I call him to relay this information and he says to pull up & we'll go somewhere else.  Now this could be a scary situation, but he says things like "OMG" & watches "Mike & Molly" so obviously he can't be a bad guy. I do an initial drive by & see him standing outside-------in his biker gear!  Oh hell!  It's one thing to be a biker, but we don't need to flaunt that shit Mr. Damn Skippy!  I pull around again to pick him up and we head down the street to another restaurant.  I find a parking spot by a miracle of God and we head inside.  Guess how long the wait is there--45 minutes!  We decide to wait.  Now Biker Guy's profile picture had him in sunglasses & this was a good move on his part because he has far apart eyes like a hammerhead shark.  That sounds bitchy, but I only speak the truth!  While we are waiting Hammerhead Biker Guy informs me that he has been out riding all day-duh!  I begin to wonder if he has showered in between the time he has been riding and our date.  I look down to check his nails-NOPE, definitely no shower!  GUH-ROSS!  Let's take a little pride in our appearance here.  I put on make-up & perfume for you.  The least you can do is shower after you've been on a motorcycle all day!  Now while we are waiting a guy comes up to him that he used to work with.  They chat for awhile and then he introduces me.....by the wrong name!  It was close, but not correct.  Imagine your name is Cathy & he introduces you as Cindy.  I didn't correct him.  However, he kind of redeems himself as more people walk in.  We seem to have the same sense of humor & make fun of the exact same people as we are people watching.  I begin to think that maybe if I just stand far enough away so that I don't smell him and don't look him in the eye, this could be an OK date.

As the waiter take us to our booth I go in the far seat, but the second I sit down he says, "Could you switch seats with me?  I have this phobia about sitting with my back to the door."  Uh, OK.  I could care less, so I switch seats with him.  No further explanation of this phobia occurs.  Whatever!  He then goes on to talk for the next 45 minutes straight!  Topics include, but are not limited to:  his dead racist father, his deadbeat brothers that live at home, meth head brother whose children are in the custody of his mother, telling his brother to quit pot just for a year to get his kids back & then you can smoke all you want, him not being a racist, being scared of a credit check when he got his new job, a trip to Sturgis that involved his girlfriend getting in a fight with the people they were staying with and riding a motorcycle all the way home, being passed out drunk when said fight was occurring, having a Samoan roommate so that proves he's not racist, getting hit on a gay bar, living with a woman who had her 22 year old son living with them too.  The list could go on!  Are these stories to entertain me or scare me away?  I really couldn't tell.  

As I said earlier though, we did bond over making fun of the same people.  Is that really something to build a relationship on?  No.  Would I want to bring him home to mom?  No.  Would I mind getting another free meal from him?  Maybe.  For right now we'll put him on life support.